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Catching Up to 2013

On the phone, outside, pacing.  Yes, I pace when I talk.  And I smoke most times too.

Its early in the morning, raining, 30 some degrees.  In my chanclas.  And I’m walking in circles like the conversation I’m in, hoping I can remember the call once I hang up.  In the back of my mind, a laundry list of things.  I’m pacing around on this Seattle street, but in my mind’s eye I’m stepping over and around the heap of things called ‘to-do’ when – SMACK – I slam into a little bird house hanging from a tree on my street.  Didn’t see it coming.  I brush it off and keep walking, and it’s not till I’m in the building that I feel this weird weight on my beanie.  I touch my head..I have a long ass tree branch balanced on top, leaves, all of it.  Coulda sold that thing on etsy.  But aside from my entreprenurial voice speaking to the possibilities of my new hat, the universe seemed to be saying: epa! hey! watch where your going!

So it goes.  2013.  Been running to catch up, almost as soon as it started.  Holidays celebrated in South America, complete with pan de jamon, música gaita, beaches with blue sparkles in the sand I swore was glitter….on the day we were flying back, I got word that my dad’s cancer was back.  Soon after I was in Phoenix, navigating something we all know is coming but are never quite ready for when it comes.  That’s not even considering all that’s happening with a new round of immigration reform popping off.  Paired with a course, deportations from your not so friendly federal ICE agents.  And did I mention I’m starting a business this year??

Yeah, bird house smacked me in the face.  Years off to a rolling start, smacking me up a little bit too.  And the truth is, I’m not ready for all of it.  I’m running, but it doesn’t always feel like I’m moving fast enough.  I’m trying to show up, full force, the way I like to.  The way I need to.  Doesn’t it suck when you feel like your not really doing any one thing really well?  Maybe saying I’m a little scared I won’t be able to hold it all is the first step to not crashing into walls, tree branches.  At least another thing, for today, is scratched off the list.  Coming back here, to this.  New year, new post, it’s almost March, but its ok.  More to come..

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